I have so much going on. So many events and campaigns I am coordinating. Like a piece of rubber, I am being stretched so far in so many different directions. But I love it. I'm getting so much done, I am making changes. I am doing so much good for so many people.
I am so busy that I feel like my head is going to explode. But I would not have it any other way.
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I am like a piece of rubber. Everybody yanking to get their little bit, me getting thinner. So many demands, so many causes, only so much of me.
I care so much about too much. There are so many great groups, all great causes and accomplishing great things. I is so difficult to choose which one to devote my time to. Luckily, I have learned to say "no."
I had the opportunity to rush at a gay fraternity. It is a really great group, I think that it would be a lot of fun to join and that I would be an asset to the group. All the brothers are great folks. But I have to say no. I could never afford the time to go through the pledge process. Not to mention the $200 pledge fee and $55 monthly membership price. I understand why they do it; they have to pay for insurance. But that is still a lot of money, money that I cannot afford. And with my limited financial resources and limited ability to commit my time, I would not be able to get the full benefit of either.
There are so many great causes. Young Democrats, PIRG, animal rights groups, student government etc. I have so much passion. And I can only be stretched so far.
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Is it ok for me to to call myself a "fag?" I am really curous... Blog
world, please comment, let me know!
To me, I figure it is like people of African American descent calling
themselves the n word. It's a word, that to them, describes who they
are. They seem to use it in common conversation with other members of
the same identity.
I do not appreciate it when people who are not queer use the word
"fag" in a discriminatory nature. It's hurtful when used in that way.
But between friends, I use the word to describe myself. Am I creating
a double standard here? I know between friends, they know that it is a
joke: slang. It seems as though I am promoting the use of the word and
those who might not be very discerning might hear me use it, deem it
acceptable, and then use and hurt others.
I like saying the word between friends... It's like a joke and they
know it is a joke. I like being able to joke about myself. But am I
promoting the use of the word by others who will use it in hurtful
ways? I fear that I am.
It would be great if we could just ban a list of words and make it a
great offense to use them. Unfortunately that is not possible.
A conundrum. What do you think? Are there any words within your
minority that are socially and politically unacceptable to be used by
others?
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One day I was cleaning tables and came accross somebody in one of my
classes. He is from Colombia and he jokingly said something to me
along the lines of "now you get to see what it is like working like an
immigrant." I did not know what to make of it at the time: I just
shrugged. But to this day, a year and a half later, I am still
thinking about that comment.
Since when does the fact that I am Caucasian mean that I am above
cleaning tables? Just because I am white, do I have too much "pride"
to do that? Just because I am white, do I not understand the
inequality and poor working conditions that immigrants are forced to
work under?
I am above nothing. I need money, I will take any job. I do not have
too much "pride" to do any job. Just because I am white does not mean
I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. If annoys me that people
have that misconception about me. I know that they are making
generalizations about all white people, but as most everybody knows,
I'm not your average Joe.
I understand that I lead a privelaged life. I have amazing friends, an
amazing family, the opportunity to attend one of the best schools on
the nation. But by no means have I ever been entitled to this
lifestyle. I worked hard for it.
I know my friend thought nothing of the comment he made, but the
comment made me think. Generalizations are dangerous.
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If you and I chose to have children, I have decided that we shall name her "Sophia." I love that name. It has its roots in the Greek word "wisdom" and I would love to have a daughter with that name. Everybody I know with that name is incredibly beautiful and intelligent, just as I want our daughter to be.
Oh future man of my dreams, what are your thoughts?
Sincerely,
Forever yours.
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Work in the morning
Money: the name of the game
Need I say more? No!
Secret steam tunnels
Buried deep in the cold earth;
Beneath us. Scary.
Tony. Just the dirt
On the soles of my big feet.
Flat as a pancake.
Workout at the gym.
Huff huff pant wheeze out of breath
Going nowhere fast.
That gorgeous figure
Boy if only he were gay.
Fat chance. Oh I wish.
The gospel of PIRG
Woman extraordinaire
The great Lauren Kim
The Apple iPad
That has got to be a joke.
Well, if you ask me.
The environment
If we do not take action
Who else will save it?
Google Documents
Always there for you and free
It's ubiquidous
Those sit-ups, crunches
Good for abs, bad for your neck.
Ugh, I'd rather not.
Stupid commercials
They're just filler, nothing more
All just quite useless
They're vegan, who knew?
All artificial and fake
Oreo cookies
My email inbox
Overflowing past the brim.
So many questions.
Poli-sci professor
Just likes to hear his own voice.
Comparitive blah.
Hot men. All sweaty.
Sexy, not going to lie.
Damn he is quite cute.
High expectations.
I hope that I can reach them.
Very big shoes to fill.
Wow oh me oh my:
Quite a lot of haikus here.
I think I should stop.
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I'll just be sitting there in class or walking around campus and I
will remember something I did earlier in the day or in the last week
and just start laughing out loud. I do not mean a lol type moment,
more of a rotflmao moment. Fo' cereals.
For example, my friend is participating in the local production of
Vagina Monologues. She is playing the part of "angry vagina" and gets
to scream her head off during the performance. This morning I bought
tickets to see Vagina Monolgues twice, and I sent her a text message
in which I said: "I now get to hear you scream your head off twice
this week!" I cannot help but laugh when I think of how she will enjoy
my message when she wakes up. And I cannot help but laugh at the fact
that I sent her said message. Maybe it is just funny to me. But I do
not care.
Another common & endless source of self enjoyment and reflective
laughter is when I pretend to be manly. For which I am not. I'm no
flamboyant queen, but I can assure you that I am adequately fruity. It
tickles my pickle when I pretend to be a manly man. "Grr. Damn them
bitches are hot!" (I know I am borderlining dangerous generalizations
and steriotypes here, but you get the idea). I love it.
There are so many instances of me making myself laugh out loud. I'm
sure I will add more as I go along.
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My little phone must think it queer
To stop without a voicemail near
between the last number and beep
The best teacher of them all
It gives it's buzzer a little shake
to ask if there is some mistake
the only other sound's the beep
Of Mrs. [bisyllabic name]'s voicemail box.
Her voice is lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep.
This last week, my college paper published a story about this panel that happened with gay people discussing what it is like to be out of the closet at work. Then, somebody submitted a letter to the editor of the newspaper about the article. They were saying all sorts of things about how gay people seem to wear their sexuality on their sleeve and that is all they think about. Although I have addressed this issue in past blog posts, this is not the point of this post. After this letter to the editor was published in the "Free Speech Friday" segment of the paper, I had a few friends text me and ask me if I had read the article, telling me how they though it was bigoted and asking me what I think.
I appreciate the concern, but I do not need people to tell me every time some bigot opens their mouth and says hurtful things. If I want to read about bigoted people, I can find them on my own. My friends are concerned about me, but I am, not that weak. It almost seems like they think that after I read these articles, I will curl up into a ball and cry. No. I want people to see me as the strong person I am who is not affected by crap like this. It is like telling your friend of african descent about the KKK every time they burn a cross on the lawn of an African American family.
To me, this addresses the current state of the queer civil rights movement. African Americans now have the same rights as everybody else which means they have the same protections as everybody else. If somebody were to write an article similar to those about the queer rights movement now, there would be enforceable legal implications against those people. But now, even with expanded civil rights laws, the rights of queer people are still unclear.
I appreciate the thought. But I know that my friends accept me and cherish me. I just do not understand how some of them feel like they need to alert me every time some bigot opens their mouth. I can take care of myself. I know that there is hatred out there. If I want to find it, I am capable of doing that myself.
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The street outside seemed rather empty and there was an eerie lack of
busses. When I got to work, the doors on the loading dock were
closed and the doors to the kitchen were locked; the kitchen was dark.
I banged on the doors, dreading that maybe Pedro was sick that day and
didn't come in.
And then it hit me.
I pulled out my phone only to discover that it was only 3:02 am. I've
done this before, but never gone this far. I've taken a shower and
gotten dressed before really early in the morning before I realized it
was only 2:00 am. And then we all know the releif you feel when you
realize that you get to sleep another few hours. But I've never left
my room and made it all the way to work before.
5 and 2 look quite similar on a digital clock, especially when groggy
and sleep deprived.
I walked back home and slept a few more hours. I got to "sleep in"
because I didn't need to take a shower.
Sigh.
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In light of this ongoing movement towards making every moment count, I
have decided to start a "bucket list;" things that I want to do or
accomplish before I die.
One thing I have decided that I must do before I die is see Sufjan
Stevens preform live. He is an amazing artist who is so smart in how
he constructs melodies and has amazing, meaningful lyrics. My favorite
song by him is Chicago. There is something about watching him perform
the song live on YouTube videos. It is a sincerely amazing song, but
when he performs it, it is so much more raw and heart felt. It often
moves me to tears; it is such a beautiful song. My life will be
incomplete if I do not get to see him perform.
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The simplicity of Twitter is something worthy of awe. The entire
system is built around text messaging from mobile phones. You can
access almost every single feature (few, but powerful) of Twitter via
text message. You may choose to follow somebody and recieve text
message status updates and it's just as easy to update your status via
text. Facebook is so multifaceted that you can access very few
features via text message.
Twitter is meant for the dispursal of information. People use it to
microblog about their lives and also to share links to important and
current news and the like. And almost every large business or
celebrity has a Twitter as well as most politicians, etc. It is ideal
for groups and organizations. It's quite easy to tell hundreds of
people about the meeting coming up or the most recent news.
Like I said, the beauty of Twitter is it's simplicity. With Facebook,
it takes effort to set one up, update your profile information and
find all of your friends. A new Twitter account can be set up in a
matter of seconds and takes very little to maintain, making it ideal
for groups.
I'm obviously bias.
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I cannot accept a religion that does not accept me.
I know that several different groups interpret the bible in different
ways, and some might be more accepting of my lifestyle, and even
though those who speak out against my lifestyle "choices" might be in
the minority (but because the extremeists seem to be the ones who get
the most media attention and traction), I still cannot accept it.
If "god" created me and he is perfect, and being a homosexual is
considered, through the interpretation of the bible by even a small
minority, to be imperfect, and %10 of people are homosexuals, "god" is
therefore imperfect because a %10 error rate is not perfection (at
least in my book).
To me, religion is about sacrifice. The people who deem themselves the
purest and truest believers make sacrafices in order to be true
christains. They have to sacrafice their freedom of thought because
they are taught to believe what the bible says instead of what their
brain or science might be saying. They put themselves in a box which
creates barriers that make it hard for them to interact with others of
differing belief systems.
What do I believe in, you might ask...
"Character is higher than intellect... A great soul will be strong to
live, as well as to think."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ralph Waldo Emerson is certaintly a huge inspiration. Self Reliance.
That is what I believe in. I believe in the laws of nature and what I
can see, feel, touch, taste and smell. I'm a very sensory person, I
like facts and being able to have answers for relatively everything,
and be able to understand how things came to be. I cannot have faith.
I must see to believe and that is why I cannot be religious.
But then that begs the question: Let's say that half the world (at
least) is religious and believes in god (or gods). They must not all
be crazy. It's easy to feel superior to a small group of people
because of their faith, but when it's at least half of the globe, it's
a different issue.
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This is an assignment where I was asked to respond to some of the readings we have done in my global environmental politics class and I chose to respond to an article on one of my favorite theories, Garrett Hardin's Tragedy of the Commons.
The theory of the tragedy of the commons is an economic theory constructed by Garrett Hardin that says that as multiple individuals act in their own self interest, they will ultimately deplete a shared limited resource even when the implications of doing such are not necessarily in everybody’s best interest. He uses the analogy of sheep grazing on a common ground. Because the commons is a shared public space and it does not cost the farmer anything directly to let his (or her) sheep graze on that common property, it is in his best interest to have as many sheep as possible grazing on that common property, just as it is in every farmer’s best interest to maximize the amount of sheep that he (or she) allows to farm on the common ground. Grass is a renewable resource; it grows and replenishes quite quickly. But, when inordinate amounts of amount of sheep are grazing on that grass, the grass will not be able to replenish itself fast enough and the sheep will die because there is not enough grass for them to eat.
As somebody whom is interested in economics, politics and the way of the world, I love this idea and I also like to contrast it with the polar opposite, Adam Smith’s theory of the invisible hand. The theory of the invisible hand says that with the forces of self-interest, competition and the idea of supply and demand, resources will be able to be allocated smartly and will not be depleted too quickly.
We can use an analogy by one of my favorite professors, Yoram Bauman, to illustrate the difference between these two theories. Imagine a bus full of people driving at top speed towards a cliff. The theory of the commons says that the bus will go off the cliff no matter what we do, but with the theory of the invisible hand, the invisible hand is driving the bus. Nobody knows that it is there. Nobody knows what it is going to do or how it will act. The invisible hand may choose at the last second to swerve and miss the cliff completely. And nobody will know why. Because the hand is invisible.
I tend to believe in the both of these theories. I do not want to say that with our environmental problems we have a tragedy of the commons because people are greedy and take all of the resources they can without considering the implications, because if I believe that fully, then that means that there is no hope for us. But, I cannot fully believe in the theory of the invisible hand because I think that somebody has to make a conscious decision and decide to save the planet and then use their resources accordingly so that we can avoid going off the cliff. As I said, I stand somewhere in the middle, between these two theories, a hybrid shall we say. I think that I will call my version of the theory The Invisible Sheep.
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But of course you're taking a nap, so why bother.
I'm mad at myself. I take on too much because I want to save the
world. And you know me, I'm a perfectionist, and it's hard for me to
accept if it's not perfect.
I can't be all things to all people. As much as I'd like to think I am.
The bottle is not as big as I thought. Less obvious. I hope I didn't
wake you.
I love you. But I hate flakes and when I flake on people. Sigh.
Nothing like unloading on somebody...
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That stare. That glare. (That rhymed... I did not mean for that to
happen, but it is cute, so I'll keep it.) On the workout equipment at
the IMA. In the locker rooms. On the street. In class. Everywhere.
People have a tendancy to stare at others who appear of act out of the
ordinary. You know me, I'm loud, even obnoxious at times. And I'm big
(not normal). Yeah. That's right. I weigh 400 pounds but I am working
out at the IMA. Doing situps and 45 minutes on the eliptical machine.
Maybe even playing squash with friends. Stare if you like. I don't
give a damn. You may be a 120 pound breadstick of an existance, but I
can actually work out on the eliptical machine. I know... A huge
person whom is mildly healthy? Could it be? It's like I'm an apple at
an orange convention. I stick out like a sore thumb. Good. Keep
watching. I may even do a trick.
I know why we do it, why we stare. It's basic human nature to want to
investigate what is out of the ordinary. It's a defense mechanism. I
accept that. I just don't give a damn. Fuck conformity. As one of my
good friends says, I critisize ideologies instead of conforming to
them. I want you to stare. And I will just smile back. I know I'm out
of the ordinary, but I like it.
Being "normal" must be such a boring existance.
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