Family Drama

Luckily, I haven't had any recent family drama, but a few days ago, I was able to see a cousin whom I haven't seen in over five or six years. Unfortunately, she ended up on the wrong side of an ugly family issue and because of that, we've had very little communication with her ever since.

Maybe five or six years ago, the rest of my extended family was over at my aunt and uncle's house when they decided to order pizza. They all threw in money for the pizza and left it laying around while waiting for the pizza delivery man. When he arrived, somebody had taken the money. It is irrelevant who did it, but it released a firestorm of pent up issues and problems and what was said really hurt everybody involved. My aunt never like the simple life that her husband, my blood uncle, came from. She was the type to be a kept woman who liked to shop and have nice things. Her husband had a very nice job as the owner of a company which allowed her to sustain this lifestyle. Just like she did not approve of the more simple, as she viewed country-bumpkin type lifestyle, she didn't like he husband's side of the family that much. She felt like they were all leeches and could not provide for their families and were lesser than her and her preferred lifestyle.

For so many years, she had these pent up feelings, and this situation of the money being stolen, was the straw that broke the camel's back. Suddenly hurtful things began being said from her and the rest of the family, how they felt like she viewed them as lesser. Ever since this event, we don't talk to her, her husband and their children. The sad thing is that the next time we saw them all was at my grandmother's funeral, which was a few years later. And we haven't seen them since then.

Unfortunately, my cousin, who is grown and was 20-ish at the time, and is the daughter of a different uncle of mine, somehow ended up on the side of my aunt whom despised the rest of the family. I do not know the circumstances, but since she was associated with who we deemed as the person who destroyed the family, I had this image of her as somebody who was stuck up and snooty.

When we were told that she was going to be coming to a family gathering, my parents and I assumed that it would be incredibly awkward. We thought the whole time, my cousin would "hold court" as my mom says it. By that, she means that the person who "holds court" is basically the one who decides what we are talking about and is somebody who deems themselves always correct and if they don't like somebody's idea or thoughts, they have the right to say so and change the conversation.

But no. When we spent time with my cousin and the rest of our family, it was incredibly delightful. She is a wonderful human being. She's gorgeous and she has an amazing husband. They both have great jobs and they travel everywhere in the world. They have been to Katmandu, India, Tibet, Brazil, China and most of Europe. It turned out to be a great evening. It was actually a big change of pace from the way the conversation goes when we are spending time with the family without my cousin.

This part of my family still lives what my "evil" aunt would consider the simple life. My uncle has a job at a car repair shop and is struggling to get orders for his home business. My aunt works at a daycare. They all live comfortably with their kids in a nice suburb of a big midwest city, but do not have the extra funds to travel too much.

I have been very fortunate in that my family has been able to afford to take me to Mexico, Canada, Italy, the Vatican, Great Britain, Switzerland and most of the US. When we were having a conversation with my cousin, we were able to talk about our experiences in New York and traveling in Europe. Most of the time, our conversations with the extended family center around my father and his brother recounting old stories from their childhood, but unfortunately, since we were not there, my mother and I are left out of the conversation. Those childhood memories, unfortunately, are all that my father and his brother have in common. Our lifestyles are so differing that it is difficult to discuss things we have in common since they are so numbered. My aunt and uncle would never ask me about college because they have no concept of college or what that means, just as I would be unable to ask my uncle about repairing cars, because I barely know how to change oil.

With my cousin, as somebody who when to college and has traveled the world, among other things, we have that in common and therefore we can talk about it. It was really nice, for the first time, to be with my family and discuss things that I have more of an interest in and can talk about. Sadly, although this did not actually happen, my mom and I were fearing that we were sounding like pompous assholes because we were talking about traveling the world and there were people, whom because of financial circumstances, couldn't participate in the conversation. We were able to communicate with my cousin, my uncle's daughter, on a level he most likely has not ever been able to discuss.

I know that this story does not make much sense and is less than cohesive, but I like it anyways.

So I guess the moral of this story is not to rely on preconceived notions and if you do, you might miss out on some great conversations with people who could turn out to be great friends.

Please stay tuned for more stories of this average life.

It's been so long

Hello Blog,

It's been such an incredibly long time since we've spoken. I just read an amazing blog post made by one of my friends and it reminded me of you and how lucky I am to have such a great life and parents that I can discuss anything with.

My friend is lost between two families. His new life full of friends who accept him and cherish him for who he is. And then his other family is his real family. His parents and siblings. There are so many things that he can't say to his family that he wants to say and so many things he wishes to discuss, but can't. I went through that a few weeks ago, but luckily, that feeling was more of a personal illusion.

My parents always accepted me, but I did not feel that way. I believed that on the surface, they were ok with who I am, but deep down, I felt as though they deemed me as a lesser child. I felt as though every time my mother looked at me, she saw me in some hospital bed with purple spots or being beaten for being myself. I knew my parents didn't want me to lie and pretend to be the social norm, but I could not help the feeling that my mother would have wanted me to turn out different.

I spent so much time angry at them. Whenever I went home, I never laughed at their jokes and felt as though they were brushing me off when I'd object to people making assumptions about me.

Now, after saying my peace in an email to my mother and then calling her later to talk, I discovered that I was mad at them for no reason. I still am not quite sure why I felt that way, I was mad for a reason and I felt as though it was justified.

But now, things are great again. I know that my parents love me and support me whomever I am and choose to be or do with my life. I can only wish that luck and fortune for my friend and the various others who are going through the same process.

Please stay tuned for more stories of this average life.

What is your Community?

In my Community, Environment and Planning class, we were asked to write an essay answering the question: What is your community? How do you fit in? What is its value to you and others? This is my essay:

My community is a community of self-actualized individuals. I am part of a community of people whom have a very high level of self-confidence, self-worth and have reached their full potential because they have been able to power past social stereotypes and have nothing holding them back. Everybody in this community also has and intense passion for everything they do and act on those passions. Our community is valuable to me because of all of the synergy we have. We each are very motivated which leads to a constructive environment because of the ability to work with people that you can count and rely upon to make a valuable contribution the to the group effort.

I am a part of this community because I have truly found myself and am accepting of who I am. About a month ago, I gained true respect for my identity by completely coming out of the closet. Before this time, I felt as though I was confident in myself and I had true self-worth, but now, there is no comparison between the way I felt then and the way I feel now. Now, I feel incredibly free. I feel like there is nothing holding me back, I don’t have a care in the world. I feel fearless and as though nothing can hurt me. Now that I accept myself, I do not care what others think about me. I am without boundaries. There aren’t any social rules or conventions holding me back any more. I am completely myself. I feel as though everybody in my community of self-actualized individuals is a free of social norms as I am. We do not waste our time worrying about any of the social norms and stereotypes and are able work on issues that are important to us.

Please stay tuned for more stories of this average life.

Cure for Homosexulaity

I was surfing around YouTube, bored, with little to do when I ran across this video, and it got me thinking. The guy in the video posed the question: If there were a cure that any homosexual could take or a program we could go through that would magically make us straight, would we choose to do it and become straight? Here's the link to the video.

First of all, I do not appreciate that he used the word "cure." I know that he didn't mean for that word to be used to infer that since it would require a "cure," that homosexuality is inherently wrong and needs to be fixed, but I wish it to be noted.

I would never choose to be "cured" of my homosexuality. My sexuality has allowed me to have close and intensely sensitive relationships with women because my motivation for talking to them is not to get into their pants, but to appreciate them for their sensitivity and personality. I know that I am making generalizations when I am saying this, because from my personal experience, I have many straight friends who are very sensitive and have deep non-sexual relationships with women, but I believe that the stereotypical average guy and I have differing motivations when talking to women, so I believe that my point has validity.

By being gay, it is much tougher to completely accept yourself because of the religious stigma that casts homosexuality in such a negative light. Because it is so much harder than for straight people, we are better off for it. Being openly gay requires a great deal of self-confidence and strength, and many of us face much strife in reaching the point of complete openness. Because we have to deal with so much adversity, we are much more sensitive to people and their situation. I can only speak for myself, but I feel like I am a very sensitive person who is accepting of everybody, and I feel like I wouldn't be this sensitive and accepting if I weren't gay. My sexuality is not the definition of my life or my personality, but it is a very large part of my identity. I am an environmentalist, an existentialist, a progressive thinker, an optimist, etc. There are many other things that I would prefer to be defined by other than my sexuality, but, my sexuality is still deeply important and an integral part of me.

Another reason why I would never choose to take the straight pill is because I can't imagine ever being sexually attracted to women. Men are gorgeous. I find women attractive and I can see how men, and my lesbian sisters, might appreciate their bodies, but I would prefer to stay as far away from vaginas as possible. They gross me out. I might be more willing to take the straight pill if I could even fathom finding women sexually attractive, but I can't.

Please stay tuned for more stories of this average life.

Oh How the Right Has Fallen

Is it just me, or is the religious right failing to live up to their own standards? Ted Haggert. Larry Craig. Bob Allen. And now South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford.

People are not meant to be monogamous. The point of life is to spread your genetic material as far and wide as possible. Have as many offspring with as many people as possible. "Monogamy" is a fallacy invented by the religious right fundamentalists. Homosexuality is natural. There are many repeated scientific studies which show that animals exhibit homosexual tendencies. Religious fundamentalists disagree. Being human causes us to ask questions. It is within our nature to want to explore the world to find out why it is the way it is. Religion teaches us that some supernatural power created everything. Religion teaches us not to ask questions, not to wonder, just to accept things as they are presented and to do what we are told. It is not in human nature to accept something from a book or doctrine. It is within our human nature to explore. Religion is not natural. Just as monogamy is unnatural and a fear of homosexuality as well. Religion was created by a powerful few in order to control people. To brainwash people.

All religion bashing aside, it pains me to see all of these people act so self-righteous and perfect, when in reality, they are not. When Barney Frank, an openly gay US representative from Massachusetts, was discovered to have hired a male prostitute in 1989, who was it who lead the movement to have him impeached and removed from office? None other than Larry Craig. Who's Larry Craig, you ask? The man who elicited gay sex from an undercover police officer in a bathroom in Minneapolis. Can you say hypocrite?

Nobody is perfect. I understand that. I, most certainly, am not perfect. It is unacceptable to me that these conservative religious people to act like they are perfect and they are acquiescing to the rules of their religion by fighting against gay marriage and abortion rights when really, underneath it all, they are big phonies. They are hypocrites. They are sanctimonious and frauds. When liberals are discovered to have had affairs, it is not such a big issue because they don't build themselves up into towers of self-righteousness. They don't try to fool their constituents into believing that they are faultless.

I want everybody who reads this to know that I do not hate all religion. I hate it when people are so religious and fundamentalist that they are fighting to take away the rights to abortion, gay marriage, a true scientific education, environmentalism among many others. When religion gets in the way of progress in basic human rights and freedoms, religion becomes an issue.

Please stay tuned for more stories of this average life.

The Bus. I Love It!

I really love the bus. It really is the way to go. During the school
year, I lived on campus. Now that it's the summer, I'm living at home
and working on campus and I'm going to take a class or two. It's
amazing. There's an express bus from the park & ride 5 minutes away
from my house that hops on the freeway and doesn't stop until it
reaches campus.

Heaven.

This bus is heaven. It's so nice not to have to drive. Traffic is
hell. Especially here. The bus gets me to campus within 30 minutes. No
parking. No headaches. The university that I attend offers $100 bus
passes for the entire quarter.

I'll admit. It's not the best system. Busses are late. Sometimes, it
can take a few hours to get where you want to go. For me, the pros
outweigh the cons.

Sometimes, mass transit really is the answer.

Please stay tuned for more stories of this average life.

The Fallacy of Sports

I, unlike the mass majority of people, do not believe in sports. To
me, major league, and even college sports, are nothing more than false
god worship. We make these football players under a microscope and
atop a pedestal, and for what? All they do is work out and practice.
They spend all of their time preparing for games, practicing and
working out, when they might only play a game not even once a week.
And, they have 6 months off in the off season.

We idolize these people with posters and commerative memorabelia and
for what? So that they can be traded to another team so they can be
paid another few million dollars a year. We idolize these people and
often forget that they, like us, are just human. We seem surprised and
even outraged when they are caught with a DUI or are arrested because
of a pub brawl. They are people. They aren't perfect. They have flaws
too.

Also, for the most part, stadiums and player paychecks are paid for
through taxes. Why is it then that it costs a family of four well over
$150 to get good tickets for a game? If we the taxpayers are
subsidizing most of the funding for sports, then why does it cost a
few arms and a leg to go to a single game?

Sports create such an unneseccary rivalry. For example, at a
convention for a large organization with atendance from all around the
pacific northwest, a candidate for office from my school was highly
disrespected by people from our rival school. Here we are at a
convention that promotes volunteerism and inclusiveness and even
there, sports and rivalries prevail. Why?

At my school, similar to every other public school and institution in
the country, we are facing a double digit state funding budget cut.
This same year, they announce plans to overhaul our football stadium,
which has the largest capacity of any stadium in the state and is not
by any means inadequate. I understand that a majority of renevations
would be paid for via tax dollars and not student or university
funding. Still. When our university is facing %30 state funding cuts,
even though the stadium would be paid for in other ways, our first
priority should not be renevating a stadium, but instead, restoring
our school's funding.

Sports, indeed and no doubt, do have a place in our society. However,
I do believe that we place too much of an emphasis on sports. Sports
create an unecessary rivalry and should not be a priority for our tax
dollars.

Please stay tuned for more stories of this average life.

The Heat of Study

Do you have any idea how hot it is here in the library? Wow. Can't concentrate. (Obviously.... blogging when I should be doing homework....) I am seriously bringing my little fan with my tomorrow when I come study.

I thought this library was the only library on campus with air conditioning... Well, where is it? I'm feeling hot under the collar and hot under my armpits. Seriously! Whoo! They are seriously detracting from student concentration and performance by not turing on the AC. "It grinds my gears!" says a friend. Agreed!

Can I get a what what?

Please stay tuned for more stories of this average life.

Feeling of Failure

Don't you hate it when you take a test, be it quiz, midterm or final where you spent many an hour studying and preparing for it, and when you find out your score, it doesn't nearly live up to your expectations and feelings going into the test?

I hate to say it, but it has become a regular occurrence for me. I have begun to stop pretending to have those feelings before tests. I have stopped being optimistic when it comes to tests. I have to admit, with this newfound pessimism, I don't prepare for tests as much as I should because I feel that no matter how much work I put into the test or assignment, I will still be disappointed.

Please stay tuned for more stories of this average life.

My Love for Computer Science

I hate Computer Science. I understand that there is a need for computer science and programming. But why must we force computer programming on people who are doing a completely different major?

Our CSE teacher on our first day of class told all of us that as far as CSE is concerned, about %1 0f students are complete naturals at it. These people have been programming since they were in diapers. These people could teach the class. These people are so insanely good at CSE. The teacher said that there was a second group, another %10 of the class which includes people who CSE comes easy to. No biggie. They actually enjoy doing the assignments. Then there are the other ~%89 of people who need to work really hard to keep up. It is a struggle for them to keep their head above the water. I fear that I am in this last %89.

I am perpetually lost. I only seem to finally grasp a new topic, subject or technique once I've completed the assignment. They need to offer two versions of intro to CSE classes. They need to have a version for people who need to take CSE for their major. A version of CSE that allows you to lean the basics and a much slower rate and have it be taught in a language that normal people can understand and not have impossible expectations for the rapidity of new material. Then they can have a different version of CSE for people who are intending to be CSE or CS majors. Hard. Tough. Fast. They can handle it.

Can I hear an Amen?

Please stay tuned for more stories of this average life.

New to this...

I don't have much to say. I just felt like starting a blog.

I'm sure that I will keep everybody posted in the future with more stories of this average life.