Maybe five or six years ago, the rest of my extended family was over at my aunt and uncle's house when they decided to order pizza. They all threw in money for the pizza and left it laying around while waiting for the pizza delivery man. When he arrived, somebody had taken the money. It is irrelevant who did it, but it released a firestorm of pent up issues and problems and what was said really hurt everybody involved. My aunt never like the simple life that her husband, my blood uncle, came from. She was the type to be a kept woman who liked to shop and have nice things. Her husband had a very nice job as the owner of a company which allowed her to sustain this lifestyle. Just like she did not approve of the more simple, as she viewed country-bumpkin type lifestyle, she didn't like he husband's side of the family that much. She felt like they were all leeches and could not provide for their families and were lesser than her and her preferred lifestyle.
For so many years, she had these pent up feelings, and this situation of the money being stolen, was the straw that broke the camel's back. Suddenly hurtful things began being said from her and the rest of the family, how they felt like she viewed them as lesser. Ever since this event, we don't talk to her, her husband and their children. The sad thing is that the next time we saw them all was at my grandmother's funeral, which was a few years later. And we haven't seen them since then.
Unfortunately, my cousin, who is grown and was 20-ish at the time, and is the daughter of a different uncle of mine, somehow ended up on the side of my aunt whom despised the rest of the family. I do not know the circumstances, but since she was associated with who we deemed as the person who destroyed the family, I had this image of her as somebody who was stuck up and snooty.
When we were told that she was going to be coming to a family gathering, my parents and I assumed that it would be incredibly awkward. We thought the whole time, my cousin would "hold court" as my mom says it. By that, she means that the person who "holds court" is basically the one who decides what we are talking about and is somebody who deems themselves always correct and if they don't like somebody's idea or thoughts, they have the right to say so and change the conversation.
But no. When we spent time with my cousin and the rest of our family, it was incredibly delightful. She is a wonderful human being. She's gorgeous and she has an amazing husband. They both have great jobs and they travel everywhere in the world. They have been to Katmandu, India, Tibet, Brazil, China and most of Europe. It turned out to be a great evening. It was actually a big change of pace from the way the conversation goes when we are spending time with the family without my cousin.
This part of my family still lives what my "evil" aunt would consider the simple life. My uncle has a job at a car repair shop and is struggling to get orders for his home business. My aunt works at a daycare. They all live comfortably with their kids in a nice suburb of a big midwest city, but do not have the extra funds to travel too much.
I have been very fortunate in that my family has been able to afford to take me to Mexico, Canada, Italy, the Vatican, Great Britain, Switzerland and most of the US. When we were having a conversation with my cousin, we were able to talk about our experiences in New York and traveling in Europe. Most of the time, our conversations with the extended family center around my father and his brother recounting old stories from their childhood, but unfortunately, since we were not there, my mother and I are left out of the conversation. Those childhood memories, unfortunately, are all that my father and his brother have in common. Our lifestyles are so differing that it is difficult to discuss things we have in common since they are so numbered. My aunt and uncle would never ask me about college because they have no concept of college or what that means, just as I would be unable to ask my uncle about repairing cars, because I barely know how to change oil.
With my cousin, as somebody who when to college and has traveled the world, among other things, we have that in common and therefore we can talk about it. It was really nice, for the first time, to be with my family and discuss things that I have more of an interest in and can talk about. Sadly, although this did not actually happen, my mom and I were fearing that we were sounding like pompous assholes because we were talking about traveling the world and there were people, whom because of financial circumstances, couldn't participate in the conversation. We were able to communicate with my cousin, my uncle's daughter, on a level he most likely has not ever been able to discuss.
I know that this story does not make much sense and is less than cohesive, but I like it anyways.
So I guess the moral of this story is not to rely on preconceived notions and if you do, you might miss out on some great conversations with people who could turn out to be great friends.
Please stay tuned for more stories of this average life.
